Marcelijus Martinaitis

AN EXPERIMENT

What didn't he do
so that he would be
what he already was
without trying to be
what he already was

What didn't he try �
he sang in a choir
bought new ties
shoe polish
a full length mirror
learned to admire landscapes
to love wild animals

All in vain
he thought
after all it's impossible
to become what you already are
and when you try to be
what you already are
then you are not already
what you already are

What he didn't try
that he might become
what he already was
then he would already be
what there already wasn't

And he thought
Lord, what if
someone saw me?
how embarrassing
he thought
while it's still not too late
I must run

And he broke into a run
knowing
that he wasn't running
by himself in the way
he would run for himself
in the way he would run
without trying to run
as if he were running without trying
as one really runs

However much he tried
not to try
it was still trying
to try
not to try

How ridiculous
he thought
how ridiculous
the whole thing is
it would seem that someone
is trying to mislead me
so I'd become even more confused

Yet it is impossible
to run so that you don't run
and still you must run
so that it doesn't look
as if running
you are trying
not to run
because maybe a higher force
is watching you

If you were to stop
he thought, then again
you wouldn't stop by yourself
wanting to be what
you already are not running
and therefore you must run
to run away somehow
from this silly running

And he runs
with feathers from his pillow sticking to him
with eyes that don't see
he runs running to remain first
and is chased
by the bodiless forces
of several worlds.